It’s taken me about 24 hours to sit down and attempt this post, and I’m still not sure which direction it will go, but I know I need to get it out. I found myself hurt yesterday, and then really, really angry, on behalf of my son. Turns out he wasn’t invited to a party. No big deal, right? However, when the pieces started to fall in to place, turns out he was one of two kids out of a very small group that wasn’t invited. That’s how I went from hurt, to anger. This is not a reflection on the kid who was having the party, this a reflection on her parent’s who should have known better. I am not the kind of person who says “If you don’t invite the whole class, then don’t have a party,” that’s BS. I am however the kind of person that says if there are 8 boys in your class, don’t invite six and leave out two, that just sucks. That’s exclusionary and hurtful. My kid is sensitive and sweet, and for the most part is ok about the whole thing, me on the other hand, I’m seething (and of course dealing with my own childhood projections from invitations never received). The people that I know whose kids are going to the party were all shocked and surprised that my son was not included, some even wishing him a great time before they found out he hadn’t been invited. This was not an oversight, or an accident where the envelope got lost in the mail, he was not on the list. Trust me, I was hoping I had screwed up somewhere and misplaced the invite or something, because I couldn’t fathom how everyone else was invited and not my kid. I am angry knowing that on Monday he will be with this group of kids, and that he will be the only one that hadn’t celebrated with them this weekend. I can only hope that there will be some respect for him and that they won’t all be chatting about it in front of him. Grrrr, and there’s the anger coming up again. Since we still have to interact with this family, because we are all part of this very small group, I will do my best to behave appropriately, but I am sure it will be quite difficult for me to be cheery when we see each other. I will also tell my son to keep his head held high and to just be respectful to this child. This is where the teachable moment progresses in to a greater understanding of the world and how we choose to move through it. This is when I explain to my son that sometimes people suck. I think that’s the proper therapeutic explanation, by the way. I told him that he will move through his life with grace at the times when people are kind and generous towards him, and he will use that same grace to walk away from those who do not treat him with the respect he deserves. We never want our children to feel hurt, but if it happens, we can only hope that the experience teaches them how not to cause someone else to feel this way. Thanks for letting me vent and I hope you get all the invites you want!
Totems on the left, get one today, and no matter if the invite shows or not, a Totem will always be your faithful friend.